November is upon us, and with it comes the start of the busy holiday season. In addition to Election Day, Thanksgiving, and even some early Christmas festivities, November is National Adoption Month. Adoption is very close to my heart, as our middle child, Eli, is adopted. This month, I want to share some thoughts on the blessings of adoption and the importance of recognizing adoption as a life-saving alternative to abortion.
I’d like to share the specific blessings that came out of our adoption journey, rather than sharing the details of the journey itself. You see, while our goal was to end up with another child, God blessed us in a multitude of ways throughout the adoption process and as a result of that process:
- Elijah became our son. Starting with the most obvious blessing … we received the gift of a child. If you are a parent, you know the absolute joy that comes with seeing and holding your child for the first time. Having experienced bringing both a biological child and an adopted child into our family, I can firmly say that the joy and emotion was no different, regardless of how that child became ours. Several years of prayers were answered, and the waiting, failed infertility treatments, and stress of the adoption process all came to an end the day we met our sweet little guy. The gift of a child truly is one of God’s greatest blessings. For ourselves and for others struggling with infertility, adoption can be the answer to those prayers for a child. We are forever grateful that God opened that door and led us through.
- Ellie became a big sister. Alright, another fairly obvious blessing … but this was a big part of our desire for another child. I remember our daughter Ellie, as a 3-year-old, praying that God would give her a brother or a sister. I would hold back tears because I wasn’t sure it would ever happen. Her excitement when she first met Eli was something I will cherish forever. Six years later, she is still his protector, his role model, and his biggest encourager. Yes, they fight like siblings at times, but that’s exactly what they are … brother and sister, stuck with each other forever, in the good times and the bad.
- We have a great relationship with Eli’s birth parents. This one was an unexpected blessing that has grown over the years. Based on what we had heard about adoption, we had concerns about the idea of “open adoption.” We braced ourselves for a potentially messy relationship with Eli’s birth parents, or for them to change their mind at some point before the adoption was finalized. We couldn’t have been more wrong. From the day we met Eli’s birth mom (less than a month before his birth), she amazed us with her kindness, her love for her child, and her willingness to give us this most incredible gift. We touch base fairly regularly to share updates and pictures of Eli, and we get together a couple times each year. I am always reminded of her unfailing love for Eli when I see her interact with him. She did the most difficult, selfless thing in giving us the gift of Eli, and we are forever grateful. I don’t know what our relationship will look like down the road, or what her relationship with Eli will be as he gets older, but at this point he knows how loved he is by his family and by his birth parents, and we pray that’s always the case.
- We all had a lesson in patience and trusting God’s timing. The most difficult part of our family’s story was the waiting. It felt like the years were passing us by, and we thought our window was closing on any chances of our family growing. I’ve always been very goal-oriented. If I wanted to accomplish something, I made a plan and did everything I could to make it happen. This was different. There’s only so much you can do when you want a child. For some people, it never happens. For others, it takes lots of expensive treatments and interventions. For us, it happened through adoption. I was not always very willing to surrender the desire for a child to God, but I can now look back on our journey with a thankful heart. Had we gotten pregnant when we wanted to, we never would have pursued adoption, and we wouldn’t have Eli. I can’t imagine our family or our lives without him. When we were blessed with another biological child (Zeke) in 2024, it made me believe even more firmly that God had a plan through our infertility. While infertility is a result of this sinful world, God was able to use it to build our family in a way we never expected, and for that we are forever grateful.
- We learned that we have an incredible support system. Prior to our infertility and adoption journey, our lives had been a pretty smooth ride. My husband, Ryan, and I are both lifelong Lutherans and Lutheran school teachers. We met each other in 2012, fell in love, and got married less than a year later. We wanted to have kids right away, but God had other plans. We were thrown into the uncertain world of infertility, and it was devastating. The infertility treatments were expensive and emotional enough, but when those all failed and we began looking into adoption, the costs were even more staggering. As we shared our situation with family, friends, and our church family, we began to realize that God had blessed us with an amazing support system. We had so many people praying for us, checking in to see how we were doing, and even helping us financially. It made a very difficult time in our lives a little less difficult. We learned to rely on God in the tough times, and also to rely on the people He has placed in our lives. We are so thankful for those who helped and supported us during those years.
- We have had opportunities to share our story and encourage others in similar situations. Through online publications, a Lutherans for Life “For Life Live” event, and social media, we have been able to share our story and encourage others who are going through similar experiences. One of the worst feelings I can remember is the feeling of loneliness, when I thought that nobody understood what we were going through. The truth was, more people than we realized had gone through similar experiences. As we opened up about our struggles, others came forward and shared their stories with us. This lifted us up and made us feel less alone in what we were experiencing. We pray that, by hearing our story, other couples may be encouraged and possibly led to consider adoption as a way of growing their family.
- Our kids understand the value of life. This blessing is one that continues to grow. We always knew that we would not keep Eli’s adoption a secret. We wanted him to know and understand how God brought him into our family, and we want Ellie and Zeke to understand as well. We also want all our kids to know how much Eli’s birth parents love him. Ellie, age 10, explains it this way: “Me and Zeke grew inside Mom’s belly, but Eli grew inside Miss (birth mom)’s belly. But God still picked Mom and Dad to be his parents.” Eli talks very matter-of-factly about where he grew and how he became our son. Our kids have learned, at a young age, that family is not just the person who births you. Family is the people who love you and care for you. Both Ellie and Eli talk about how we loved Eli from the day we met him, when he was still in his birth mom’s belly. When I was pregnant with Zeke, the big kids loved looking at his ultrasound picture and listening to his heartbeat. There was no doubt that they recognized our unborn child as a precious life and a gift from God. Time will tell how their understanding of adoption will grow. I’m sure there will be difficult questions and times of uncertainty. But we pray that our kids always know that adoption was and is a tremendous blessing from God, and we hope they share that knowledge with others. We are thankful for the family discussions that have taken place as a result of adoption.
We certainly have been blessed through adoption, and it pains me that many people in today’s society are so quick to fight for and support the “right” to abortion without ever considering adoption as an alternative. Eli’s birth mom has told us, “I wasn’t in a position to raise a child, but I knew it was a gift that I could give someone else.” What an incredible, life-affirming attitude. This woman gave her son the gift of life, and gave us the gift of a child. If more people could see the beauty of her decision, the number of abortions worldwide would drastically decrease. We know that God creates life (Psalm 139:13–14), He values life (Jeremiah 1:5), He forbids murder (Exodus 20:13), and He values even the littlest ones (Mark 10:14). Abortion devalues and destroys life. Adoption saves and preserves life. Please join me in praying for more people to see the horror of abortion and the beauty of adoption. If you know somebody who is considering adoption or in the midst of adoption, do whatever you can to support them. If you know somebody who is considering abortion, lovingly share the life-preserving alternative of adoption.
May God bless you and empower you to speak His truth and to stand up for life!
National Adoption Month takes place in November to raise awareness for children in the foster care system waiting for permanent homes. November 21 is a special day when courts across the United States open to finalize foster care adoptions. To learn more about foster care and adoption, visit Wellspring Lutheran Services.
Photos courtesy of Mandi Wesley